OMMFG

Oh My Mother Fucking God

There is a new bulldozer banging around right outside my back door.

Because why wouldn’t there be?

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Hunting buddies

Sunshine has had many hunting buddies over the years. There was Number One, who got Sunshine started down the road to obsession with feral pigs. There was the crew(s) from Lucid, Inc. There was Klaus, Sunshine’s kods, the State Trooper, a really tall (6’7″) dude I’ll call Shorty, there’s our friend in the next town over who I’ll call Mr T.

Last night, Sunshine went to hunt feral pigs. He went alone, but he didn’t stay alone.

Flop the cat followed him through the woods, up the ladder, and into the stand.

You’re welcome.

What. The. Hell?

I had been hearing about this survivalist community that somebody was developing in a town near us, but I didn’t really grasp the scope of it. I had been told that it was all going to be underground, with a golf course and horse stables and all this other shit that rich honkies think they need to survive the #endofdays. But I didn’t really comprehend it, because obviously.

I had even heard tales of the ridiculous fountain that had been built at the entrance, but I didn’t grasp the scale of it until a couple of hours ago when my neighbor had me drive her past it so I could finally see it.

People, I don’t know what to say about this…

gauche…

thing.

This is what some rich honkies thought they needed to survive the #endofdays? I hope they don’t head my way when the zombie apocalypse happens.

Because I might have to eat them after I get done with the cheerleaders.

#thatisall

The Twilight Zone

I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. Sunshine’s niece (Emmy), who is visiting for the week, needed to go to a certain health food store that was in a mall located minutes from my doctor. As we followed Google’s turn by turn directions, we couldn’t figure out what the fuck was going through somebody’s mind when he decided where to build this mall.

It had to be a man that built this. Who else builds a mall in the middle of a fucking forest?

Some of the entrance doors were out of order.

We entered through the food court, which was a ghost town.

According to Emmy, it was a totally instagrammable moment. We consulted the directory map, and started off on our stroll, with Emmy & DaRule leading the way. There wasn’t even any flooring on the slab in some of the halls!

We passed a sobering reminder that we were in tornado alley.

We saw lots of kiosk shops that were deserted, some covered in plastic. The Cultural Appropriation kiosk still had some stock visible in the center, and it took every ounce of self-control Emmy and I had to NOT burn it to the ground (Emmy is a tribal citizen just like Sunshine).

As we trekked deeper into the mall, we felt like we were in the twilight zone or something. There were no people, shops were either closed or just downright empty. We could see through some of the windows and security gates, and the assortment of random shit we saw in display windows was surreal. I actually considered breaking the glass and stealing the half suit of armor (not the full one, because that was too normal, I wanted weird).

We came across a supersized claw machine. Unfortunately, it wasn’t working. Look at how the claw machine dwarfs Emmy; that shit is fucking epic and now I want one.

On our way back to the car, we noticed that the gumballs in a candy station were weird looking. Apparently, they have been there so long that the sun streaming through the skylights had bleached the color out of them.

It was a surreal experience, to say the least. The weird didn’t end when we left the mall, though. We went to a certain fast food chicken place that shall remain nameless, because I refuse to advertise for a company that has such reactionary policies. The chicken place contained every single person that one would expect to see in a mall, and we could barely move; we were lucky to get a table.

After lunch, we still had an hour to kill. We went to the big box craft store that shall remain nameless because I refuse to advertise for a company that has such reactionary policies.

I’m pretty sure I would have gotten us kicked out and banned for life if we had not had DaRule with us (I refuse to act a fool in public with Reshaud or Rule, for reasons). Why the fuck is Christmas shit on display BEFORE THE FUCKING FOURTH OF JULY?

I don’t know what alternative reality we entered yesterday, but I’m glad we woke up in the one we’re accustomed to inhabiting this morning. Now, I’m off to get ready for work today, which is going to totally fucking suck. I’ll be dealing with people who want to celebrate murica’s greatness and probably more than my fair share of drunks. Good times, no?