I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. Sunshine’s niece (Emmy), who is visiting for the week, needed to go to a certain health food store that was in a mall located minutes from my doctor. As we followed Google’s turn by turn directions, we couldn’t figure out what the fuck was going through somebody’s mind when he decided where to build this mall.
It had to be a man that built this. Who else builds a mall in the middle of a fucking forest?
Some of the entrance doors were out of order.
We entered through the food court, which was a ghost town.
According to Emmy, it was a totally instagrammable moment. We consulted the directory map, and started off on our stroll, with Emmy & DaRule leading the way. There wasn’t even any flooring on the slab in some of the halls!
We passed a sobering reminder that we were in tornado alley.
We saw lots of kiosk shops that were deserted, some covered in plastic. The Cultural Appropriation kiosk still had some stock visible in the center, and it took every ounce of self-control Emmy and I had to NOT burn it to the ground (Emmy is a tribal citizen just like Sunshine).
As we trekked deeper into the mall, we felt like we were in the twilight zone or something. There were no people, shops were either closed or just downright empty. We could see through some of the windows and security gates, and the assortment of random shit we saw in display windows was surreal. I actually considered breaking the glass and stealing the half suit of armor (not the full one, because that was too normal, I wanted weird).
We came across a supersized claw machine. Unfortunately, it wasn’t working. Look at how the claw machine dwarfs Emmy; that shit is fucking epic and now I want one.
On our way back to the car, we noticed that the gumballs in a candy station were weird looking. Apparently, they have been there so long that the sun streaming through the skylights had bleached the color out of them.
It was a surreal experience, to say the least. The weird didn’t end when we left the mall, though. We went to a certain fast food chicken place that shall remain nameless, because I refuse to advertise for a company that has such reactionary policies. The chicken place contained every single person that one would expect to see in a mall, and we could barely move; we were lucky to get a table.
After lunch, we still had an hour to kill. We went to the big box craft store that shall remain nameless because I refuse to advertise for a company that has such reactionary policies.
I’m pretty sure I would have gotten us kicked out and banned for life if we had not had DaRule with us (I refuse to act a fool in public with Reshaud or Rule, for reasons). Why the fuck is Christmas shit on display BEFORE THE FUCKING FOURTH OF JULY?
I don’t know what alternative reality we entered yesterday, but I’m glad we woke up in the one we’re accustomed to inhabiting this morning. Now, I’m off to get ready for work today, which is going to totally fucking suck. I’ll be dealing with people who want to celebrate murica’s greatness and probably more than my fair share of drunks. Good times, no?