PT

I had my first appointment with the physical therapist today. He did some strength & range of motion testing. He told me I didn’t have a torn rotator cuff; my range of motion was too good. I was actually in excess of normal on some of the range of motion stuff (meaning my shoulder is still as hypermobile as my chiropractor said it was back in the 90s when he made a home visit to sign a hunting lease for the woods behind our house).

Side note: my life was so weird in the 90s. Like, no soap opera could come close to capturing the strange I lived through. Jerry Springer would have been speechless.

What the therapist said I have is an impingement. In layman’s terms, my shoulder joint isn’t acting right. The ball of the joint is slipping out of the socket and upward, smooshing on the nerve and causing all that popping/catching that’s going on.

For now, I have some exercises to do with some very light dumbbells to start strengthening the muscles. I’m pretty sure that surgery is NOT going to be necessary. I’m so relieved that I went shopping at the local goodwill and scored a new with tags medium Celine Edge bag in black for $40 + tax.

Quite the therapeutic day all around, I think.

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The Twilight Zone

I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. Sunshine’s niece (Emmy), who is visiting for the week, needed to go to a certain health food store that was in a mall located minutes from my doctor. As we followed Google’s turn by turn directions, we couldn’t figure out what the fuck was going through somebody’s mind when he decided where to build this mall.

It had to be a man that built this. Who else builds a mall in the middle of a fucking forest?

Some of the entrance doors were out of order.

We entered through the food court, which was a ghost town.

According to Emmy, it was a totally instagrammable moment. We consulted the directory map, and started off on our stroll, with Emmy & DaRule leading the way. There wasn’t even any flooring on the slab in some of the halls!

We passed a sobering reminder that we were in tornado alley.

We saw lots of kiosk shops that were deserted, some covered in plastic. The Cultural Appropriation kiosk still had some stock visible in the center, and it took every ounce of self-control Emmy and I had to NOT burn it to the ground (Emmy is a tribal citizen just like Sunshine).

As we trekked deeper into the mall, we felt like we were in the twilight zone or something. There were no people, shops were either closed or just downright empty. We could see through some of the windows and security gates, and the assortment of random shit we saw in display windows was surreal. I actually considered breaking the glass and stealing the half suit of armor (not the full one, because that was too normal, I wanted weird).

We came across a supersized claw machine. Unfortunately, it wasn’t working. Look at how the claw machine dwarfs Emmy; that shit is fucking epic and now I want one.

On our way back to the car, we noticed that the gumballs in a candy station were weird looking. Apparently, they have been there so long that the sun streaming through the skylights had bleached the color out of them.

It was a surreal experience, to say the least. The weird didn’t end when we left the mall, though. We went to a certain fast food chicken place that shall remain nameless, because I refuse to advertise for a company that has such reactionary policies. The chicken place contained every single person that one would expect to see in a mall, and we could barely move; we were lucky to get a table.

After lunch, we still had an hour to kill. We went to the big box craft store that shall remain nameless because I refuse to advertise for a company that has such reactionary policies.

I’m pretty sure I would have gotten us kicked out and banned for life if we had not had DaRule with us (I refuse to act a fool in public with Reshaud or Rule, for reasons). Why the fuck is Christmas shit on display BEFORE THE FUCKING FOURTH OF JULY?

I don’t know what alternative reality we entered yesterday, but I’m glad we woke up in the one we’re accustomed to inhabiting this morning. Now, I’m off to get ready for work today, which is going to totally fucking suck. I’ll be dealing with people who want to celebrate murica’s greatness and probably more than my fair share of drunks. Good times, no?

Retail therapy

Sunshine & I have been engaging in some retail therapy this week. The therapy is for the new house, not us.

Side note: that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

I ordered this nifty little gadget from zulily.

Because have you seen my laptop lately? Its downright disgusting. Also? Free shipping on items from the OXO sale.

As I was browsing their curtain sale, I noticed the “free shipping through midnight tonight” banner and decided that it was a good time to order the curtains for the front

&

rear doors.

Because those doors are fucking huge, and it’s going to take a lot of curtain to cover those 8′ tall beasts on hot summer days, and these are a lot of curtain.

Not long after I had ordered the curtains, Sunshine had an idea. One of our roof units has malfunctioned, and we’d rather not spend $700 on a replacement when we’re so close to the finish line with the house. Instead of waiting on Rude Ass to build a custom platform bed with storage, Sunshine thought it would be smart to buy a bed so that we can sleep in the much cooler house when the nights get warm enough to need a/c.

This isn’t ideal, because there’s not really any store-bought shit that can even come close to the quality and durability of what Rude Ass could build. It does, however, take one thing off of Rude Ass’s project list. And you know what that means…

If you guessed “change order”, you win a cardboard cookie.

I’ve chosen some inspiration pictures of some tables and nightstands to present to Rude Ass so I can have a custom built nightstand that also doubles as Mollie’s stairs to get on & off the bed. Because jumping is bad for dachshunds’ backs.

Its so exciting getting to pick finishing touches for the house. Every light switch & outlet cover plate, curtain, piece of furniture, towel, rug, and pillow (plus all the other stuff I’m not thinking of right now) is one more piece of the puzzle put into place.

It’s been a day

I woke up to puppy yarf on the comforter and in the bedroom floor. The comforter doesn’t fit in the washer, so I had to clean it by hand outside. 

I thought my day couldn’t get any worse.

Then I saw the storm cellar was open and I knew I was facing the seventh circle of hell. Several months ago,  I mentioned to Sunshine that he needed to have someone go down there and get the crates of rotting onions out of there. Do you think he did it?

Fuck no, he didn’t do it.

So I had to start dealing with it. I was in such a rush to get that crate of rot out that I banged my head on the roof of the fucking storm cellar. I sill have a headache, and it’s keeping me angry about this colossal failure to follow directions and I’m planning my revenge on Sunshine as I type. It’s probably going to involve something expensive.

I digress…

The off gassing from the rotting onions had caused the potatoes to rot.

Nothing smells worse than rotting potatoes. Nothing.

I used a face mask and some mentholated rub and still almost yarfed from the stench. It got worse, though. 

I almost came undone when I realized what the sound was that I was hearing. I could hear the fucking maggots writhing in their piles after I removed the crates from the storm cellar. It was a horrifically squishy, wet sound and I cannot unhear it. That sound will give me nightmares, and I’ll probably have PTSD from it to add to my tornado PTSD and my wildfire PTSD.

When Mr B and Sunshine pulled up in the yard as I was working, I promptly went and apologized to Mr B or whoever was the unlucky soul that discovered that hell and left the storm cellar open.

Mr B, being the gracious individual he is, actually went down in the storm cellar with a water hose and shop vac and cleaned out what I hadn’t gotten to yet. Biff (AKA Goldilocks) helped lift crates out too.

Once that ordeal in the seventh circle of hell was over, I thought my day had gotten as bad as it could get. I showered and went to town to get my truck registered.

My first mistake was thinking.

When I returned home and walked into my magic bus, I spotted a bloody mess in my living room floor. Apparently, Mollie found someone’s fresh kill and brought its guts inside and dropped them in the floor. She then proceed to track the blood all over the living room. 

I spared you the actual picture of the guts, because it was actually a grayish brown glob of gross. I didn’t even get a picture of the bloody little Mollie prints because I was to busy rage cleaning.

I’m probably going to go order myself some shoes or something to make me feel better after such a horrible day.