This year, I am feeling the pressure of the holidays. It’s not overwhelming, but it’s certainly more than it has been in a while.
Our finances are tight. This time of year, that’s not unusual for us. It’s just tighter this year than it has been in the past. What I have learned in recovery is that If I just have faith, our higher power will see to it that we have enough. So I just hang in there and stay calm the best I can, and hold on to faith that it will work out in the end.
side note: sometimes that isn’t easy.
I’ve also got the gift list, all the stuff I need to make to give as gifts. I’m a little behind schedule because I had some surprise commissions come my way. I still have plenty of time to finish my list; I’ve just fallen behind some arbitrary goal that I set for myself.
side note: we humans are our own worst critics. We’re always so willing to give others the benefit of the doubt, but we are never willing to show ourselves the same mercy.
Somehow, it hasn’t felt much like the holiday season yet. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that I’m not our there shopping like a madwoman, listening to Christmas music blaring through loudspeaker systems in stores. Of course, I understand that The Christmas isn’t really about how much shit I can buy to prove my love to people; but something about shopping for gifts just feels Christmas-y.
side note: maybe going out in public and watching people get grumpy because of long lines and limited availability of products would make me feel less grinchy about how simple our Christmas is shaping up to be.
It’s also weird trying to make it feel like Christmas-time when I live in something that was created to drive to campgrounds by the beach or some some shit. I haven’t baked Christmas cookies since we moved in this magic bus a number of years ago. I haven’t been able to travel home to spend holidays with my family much over the last bunch of years, and somehow that makes Christmas a little sad for me.
Maybe after today’s chores are done, I’ll go find some Christmas music (or movies) to play in the background while I work on making gifts. Maybe that will make it feel more like the holidays.