Last night, after I got home from the estate sale, I dealt with laundry and started doing other constructive things. Like Reddit. And Pinterest. And checking out a clothing line a fellow redditor turned me onto. It got dark while I wasn’t paying attention.
Well pretty soon, I noticed the coyotes were acting up not far off on the other side of the front pond. It didn’t stop. It would fade away, then come close again. I kept hearing coyotes, and it was annoying me and they were close. Which made me nervous as fuck, since Sunshine was in the woods hunting wild pigs.
I finally got tired of hearing the yipping coyotes, and I grabbed one of the black powder pistols Sunshine keeps loaded in the house. I went outside and tried to fire off a warning shot but the fucking thing would not work. I don’t know what the hell was wrong with it (or me), but the fucking coyotes were out there in the field on the other side of the pond mocking me.
side note: I don’t like black powder pistols. They make no sense to me. Zero. Also? I’m not a fan of revolvers, which is stupid but there it is.
So I went inside and grabbed one of the other pistols and went back outside. But the coyotes had faded off into the distance or something.
I came back inside and sat down to resume the important task of drooling over clothes, and unzipped my pants because pants are bullshit this late in the day.
Well, those fucking coyotes started coming closer again. I listened to it for a while and decided I was tired and grumpy and I didn’t want to hear any more shit out of the coyotes.
So I ran outside, pants unzipped and all, like some crazy ass hermit, and shot a round off into the direction of that giant pile of styrofoam blocks between me and the pond.
That pistol worked, and the coyotes shut the fuck up.
final note: when Sunshine sells the spare truck, I think I’m getting a pistol more appropriate for my little hands and smaller wrists. Those monsters he keeps are a bit heavy for my liking.