Reason #4358 to hate big box stores

I realized that the hammered shitness might be an actual problem and not just a temporary feeling. Which meant that I needed to drag my ass into WalMart for some cough medicine.

side note: I don’t know about your local WalMart, but ours is ratfuck crazy on Saturdays. It’s also a small WalMart, so it totally sucks, but I digress.

I went to the health & beauty department and spent a not-insignificant amount of time trying to find the cough syrup that didn’t have any nasal decongestants in them, because I don’t have snot and anyway I have plenty of medicine at home for snot (and I don’t like most nasal decongestants anyway because they make me jittery). I kept getting distracted by some poor guy who was talking to himself, sounding as confused and pissed off as I was, trying to decipher the OTC nasal sprays. Being an allergy baby, and therefore somewhat of an expert on OTC nasal medicines, I finally had to get up and help the poor bastard. Too bad he couldn’t return the favor and help me find the non-nasal-medicine cough syrup.

After I finally found some cough medicine that was just for coughs, I headed to get item number two on my list: charcoal, because Sunshine would rather turn me lose in WalMart with access to all of his money than go in there with his picky ass and grab his own charcoal.

On my way to the charcoal section of the store (which is oddly on the same wall as tampons and garden shovels), what did I spy?

No, I didn’t see Willy the Pimp.

I saw Christmas.


In September.


In Texas.


With 90+ degree temperatures and 95+ heat index.




I shit you not.

I have no words.


Well, actually, I have plenty of words, but most of them would be censored straight out of network television, and cable channels might have a problem with some of them.

This is some serious fuckery and I don’t even know who to blame for this.

final note: I tried blaming WalMart on the twitter. They have not responded to my tweets. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked them if they were fucking high.



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