Sometimes I wonder how

Some days, I’m too tired to chew. How is that even possible?

Some days, I wonder how long a body can stay this tired and sick and yet keep going.

Sometimes, I wonder if I’ll make it three more months until Sunshine can take care of me for a bit so I can rest and heal.

I don’t know how to stop. I guess I’m not wired that way.

So I’ll go lather rinse repeat.

The good news is that the cycle does not include landscaping for the time being. The lawnmower needs a new blade because Sunshine bent one of the old ones. The weedeater that ran properly has now become more trouble than I’m going to tolerate.We’re heading into the hottest and driest part of the year anyway, so maybe it will all burn to a crisp under the rays of the Texas summer sun. A girl can hope, right?

I’m focusing on my immediate surroundings. My magic bus and the few square feet of lawn I need to remain clear so I can get in and out of my home without a jungle tour guide, and a clear path to do laundry. Beyond that, I just can’t be bothered to give a shit.

I have no patience for being anybody’s errand girl. I have no interest in doing the work of an entire community when there is no community to help me. I have no interest in anything except surviving long enough to make sure Sunshine makes it through his treatment. Beyond that, I don’t have any plans.

All I know is that I’m not the one. Today, I’m not the one to take care of the world. I can’t even take care of my fucking self today. I’m too tired to chew.

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