It isn’t enough that WalMart put too many mom&pop stores out of business, they had to go and change the game for bigger chain stores too.
I was over in the metroplex this weekend with Sunshine, visiting Mr. B. I needed a couple of items from a grocery store so Mr. B drove us to the Kroger closest to his house. As we pulled up in front of the store, what came out of my mouth was “that’s the biggest fucking Kroger I’ve ever seen!”
Now, I’m not some idiot that’s never seen a supersized big box store or a really big grocery store. I’m accustomed to WalMart stores that need their own zip codes and grocery stores that take hours to navigate for my weekly shopping. I just never expected to see a Kroger that was as big as the big SuperWalmarts.
Well, the outside did little to prepare me for the horrors that awaited me inside the store.
I went into this Kroger to pick up some coffee, some milk, and some half and half. Being the good little recovering addict that I am, I had no trouble finding the coffee. 3 seconds flat and I had it in my hand. I’m also smart enough to know that the good stuff is always on the outside walls of the grocery store–stuff like produce, meat, dairy. The center aisles are filled with stuff like twinkies, chips, and all manner of processed horrors. So I wandered the outer edges of the store and couldn’t find the milk. I found cheese, I found produce, I found meat. So I wandered around and found a clothing section. I wandered around the clothes racks like Alice in Wonderland for a few minutes, then I sort of snapped out of it and remembered my mission: milk. So I walked back to the front of the store to try again. I passed the shoe section, and that was just too much.
I started laughing. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.
I laughed my ass off, because here I was, in a Kroger Marketplace at almost midnight, wandering around like a visitor from another planet, looking for milk. I couldn’t find an employee to ask for directions. Then I started laughing even harder, because all I could think was “I just want some fucking milk could somebody PLEASE help me find the goddamn milk!!!”
I got myself under control, and thought about my situation for a moment, and then it hit me: Kroger has an organic department! There would be milk in the organic department!
I headed for the pleasingly large organic department and did, indeed, find some organic milk. However, they didn’t have a quart sized container of half and half, and I needed at LEAST a quart. I began wandering around the outside edges of the store in hopes that I could find the fucking half and half. Then I saw him–an employee!
This employee pointed me to the farthest corner of the store, where I had almost traveled earlier but turned back because I saw blankets and rubbermaid storage totes. I mean, why the hell would milk and half and half be next to the rubbermaid storage bins?
Having found my quart sized containers of half and half, I made a beeline for the front of the store so I could get the hell out of this brightly lit shrine to blatant consumerism.
I made it out of the store without pissing my pants or getting arrested for disturbing the peace, but I walked away feeling dirty. Kroger is supposed to be where I go to feed my body, and here they were running plays straight out of walmarts playbook.
What the fuck has murica come to when Kroger is trying to sell me crappy shoes I don’t fucking need and stocking the milk next to rubbermaid storage totes and acrylic fuzzy blankets?