Getting older

After my doctor’s appointment yesterday, I went to the evil empire (a.k.a. wally world) to get my prescriptions filled. Because the evil kept fucking them up, I was in the big box store for over an hour. Which meant a lot of random shit found its way to my buggy, like all those pills we talked about last night.

The general consensus seems to be that I’m getting older and I now need to go get myself one of those old lady pill organizers.

There’s this part of me that is resistant to the idea, kind of like I was resistant to minivans in my 20s. I mean, seriously, minivans made a statement that I really just wasn’t ready to make at that point in my life. Pill organizers say something that I’m not emotionally ready to say about my life at this point.

In the abstract, I have no problem with getting older. I’m not one to buy into they hype and start buying anti-aging creams and dying my hair to cover my grey. Fuck that, I earned every grey hair on my head, right? Everybody ages, and that which we resist persists.

So hypothetically, I’m ok with getting older. Everybody does it, I’m not trying to fight it because that requires more energy than I’m willing to invest.

It’s not just the pill organizer that’s bothering me, though. As I wandered through the evil empire, I realized that I wasn’t seeing things as clearly as I used to. I knew my vision was less than perfect; hell, I’ve already got glasses for distance vision that I use for driving, and reading glasses for my hobby activities. Yesterday’s vision problems were more than just distance vision or reading vision. It was the middle distance that was fuzzier than I’m accustomed to.

So now, along with my old lady pill organizer, I’ve got to go get me some bifocals or trifocals or some shit.

Ultimately, I’m mostly just grateful to still be here. So many addicts never make it to the rooms of 12 step fellowships. Of those who do make it, so few stay; even fewer stay clean. I’m still here; and mostly, everything still works. I never thought I’d be alive this long.

I’m getting older. I guess it’s better than the alternative, so I’ll just roll with it best I can.


Night and day

I went to the doctor today, and I walked out feeling a bit proud of myself. My weight was down 3 pounds, my blood pressure was elevated but not ridiculous, and my anxiety & depression are reasonably well controlled right now.

When I left her office, I went to Walmart to pick up my prescriptions. We won’t talk about what a nightmare that was, with walmart screwing it up so bad I had to call my doctor’s office twice and the nurse helping me gave up trying to send them electronically and called them on the phone. Another thing we aren’t going to talk about is all the extra no at I spent on the random shit that jumped into my buggy as I wandered the store waiting for my prescriptions. Fuck you, Wal-Mart. And fuck all these pills I gotta take now.

My doctor did confirm that I need to be taking calcium supplements to help avoid osteoporosis and shit. I remember enough from my biology classes at university to know that calcium is what kicks off muscle contractions at the cellular level. I also remember that magnesium kicks off the relaxation of the muscle at the cellular level. So I added both of those to my morning pill regimen. It is cedar pollen season, so toss in a zyrtec to keep me from sneezing my frontal lobe out through my nose. A store label naproxen every morning because I’ve got so many musculoskeletal issues it ain’t funny. Add a gabapentin for the sciatica and my antidepressant, and we’ve almost got a cereal bowl full of pills. I saw some cinnamon pills that say they help metabolism, so we’re going to try that too. Hell if nothing else, maybe they’ll make my sweat smell like a Cinnabon shop (which would actually be kind of awesome).

That leaves us with this hand full of pills every morning.

And one like this at night.

Benadryl, zyrtec, flexoril, and a naproxen. It’s fucking ridiculous. I pretty much need one of those am/pm pill organizer things to keep track of this shit.

I’ll take the pills, because I don’t want to have a stroke or anything. But damn it, I gotta figure out a system for these pills that doesn’t involve standing in front if the medicine cabinet, staring at a hand full of pills trying to separate them into my morning and night pills. That’s just a disaster waiting to happen and it will end in me getting up to go pee 495726 times a night because I took my blood pressure pill at bedtime instead of morning.

At least Mr B, Rude Ass, and I got the frozen pipe problem solved today. At least I can flush when I owe without having to go get a pitcher of water from the stash on the kitchen counter.


I’m sick. Some sort of respiratory crud. Thanks boss. My body feels like shit, and that’s saying something since I live in a body that just feels like shit because that’s what it does. All. The. Time. Mentally, I’m feeling scattered. My train of thought keeps getting derailed.

Side note: it was so bad Friday when I got home from work that I fed the dog & collapsed in the floor. The ONLY thing that got me out of the floor was having to pee and not wanting to pee in my pants.

I’ve probably got entirely too many irons in the fire.

  • Cranapple butter
  • Keeping water lines from freezing
  • Keeping myself from freezing
  • Keeping things moving forward with our little house
  • Diet & exercise (doctor’s orders)
  • My loose list of monthly goals

The cabinet guy was here this past weekend, so we did finalize my kitchen design. That’s progress for sure. I didn’t work Sunday, because sick; that’s thrown off my internal calendar. What day is it today anyway?

Tia & I have been trying to pick a project (or three) to make with the yarn my niece gave me for Christmas. I’m having trouble choosing. Decision fatigue, analysis paralysis, something.

The boss actually remembered my request for a case of sugar bee apples, and they’ve been sitting here since Friday. I am finally up to dealing with them today, sort of; hence the cranapple butter.

There will also be some applesauce made this afternoon.

Side note: Patricia, please, no ass chewing? I already know, but I paid for the damn apples and don’t want to waste the money. Fucking asshole boss, the one time he actually remembers something I ordered and doesn’t take a month to bring it just had to coincide with me being sick.

So, here I sit, hurting, coughing, and generally feeling like hell. I’m mentally scattered, and don’t know for sure which way is up. Thank heaven I already had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for tomorrow morning, maybe she will at least write me new prescriptions for my pain management medicines.

Final note: thank heaven for my primary! She found a combination of non-narcotic meds that actually do the trick for me. That’s huge for a recovering addict.

I should be ashamed of myself

Our printer was out of ink, so I got rid of it.

Seriously, it’s cheaper to just buy a new printer than to buy replacement ink cartridges.

I put the old printer in an eWaste pile we’ve got going. Mr B knows someone who recycles eWaste.

I will say that, rather than buy a new inkjet printer, we went halves on a laser printer with the family B. No more than Sunshine and I print, there’s no point in having more than one damned printer for the four of us. I think that this is the only reason I’m not ashamed of myself.

Well, that and the space that was created by getting rid of the printer. Because when you live in an RV or tiny house, even the small space a printer occupies is a lot of space.

Monthly preview update

I’ve managed to both feel disgustingly productive AND get some rest this week. I’ve tackled multiple projects from the comfort of my corner of the couch.

  • I’ve made two hats out of the secret Santa yarn, although I still haven’t made one for myself.
  • The Christmas decorations are packed away and I’ve bought next year’s wrapping paper. After Christmas clearance is the best time to buy Christmas cards, wrapping paper, ornaments, and etcetera so I did just that. 😁
  • I have done my 1st workout with my tai-chi DVD. It was brief, because I realized I was going to have to write programs in my brain and create muscle memory in order to not get frustrated that I was struggling to actually do the forms
  • Season 2 of “Travelers” has been binge watched, as has the rest of the available seasons of “Fear the Walking Dead”

I’ve also managed to deal with a backlog of things on my “want to do” list.

  • I canned some more hot sauce using the recipe The Ecofeminist pointed me to
  • I got caught up on laundry. For now, at least, since I’m sure Sunshine will be coming home thus weekend with a literal metric fucktonne of dirty work clothes that have to be washed and dried right fucking now because they’ll be going back out of town with him Sunday evening.
  • I cleaned out my truck somewhat, but have yet to work up the nerve to go dig that rotty cantaloupe out of the bed. I’m very afraid of it.
  • I’ve culled a few garments I know I won’t wear, and moved a few more to my holding zone to see if I miss them or can donate them.
  • I also bought new (to me) pants.
  • I gathered hickory nuts from the backyard. It’s free food, and nuts are good for the health goals my doctor has encouraged me to strive for.
  • I started clearing out my future kitchen. The guy who’s building our custom cabinets is scheduled to come this weekend, so I have to make room to move appliances into place. I also had to clear the floor so we could map out the footprint and take measurements and all that shit.
  • We made a list of things for Rude Ass to do and got him moving forward on those projects. We even made a plan to get it warm in the house, since Rude Ass said it can’t be cold in there for the application of the top coat for my reclaimed wood walls.
  • I obtained a pair of giant square pillows to stuff inside the pillow covers I’ve asked Tia to make for me. I got a killer deal on them at this little local place Mr B turned me on to

All in all, it’s been a more productive month than I expected, and we’re not even halfway through yet.

I’ve surprised myself at my ability to continue making decisions about…. Well, everything. Without running into decision fatigue. Hopefully, that continues throughout this weekend and my consult with the cabinet guy. Thank heaven, the cabinet guy is also a dear friend. He won’t get frustrated with me if I do stall out mid-decision, and he is someone I trust enough to listen to when I get indecisive.

Now, I’m off to get dressed and get some shit accomplished before I have to work tomorrow. Hope you wonderful people have a beautiful day!

Photo dump: fashion statements

Mr B was rather well coordinated yesterday

Weird trigger finger mittens I picked up for Sunshine

That time I basically felt like I was inside a teddy bear in my furry slippers, fleece lined joggers, and ridiculously fluffy hoodie

That time I put on my lunch lady hat to keep my hair out of my eyes and decided to go all in with the lunch lady look and threw on an apron

The time my brother wore our dad’s turnout boots to my sister’s wedding and dad’s dress shoes to the reception

That time I pulled off some SICK pattern mixing (I’d almost go so far as to call it power clashing)

Burn the $30 candle

Yesterday, I took down the Christmas decorations. As I was packing them away, I discovered all of my holiday linens.

I hadn’t put them out this year because…

Well, I don’t know. Space constraints? Broken towel holder in the kitchen? Fuck if I know.

I’m kind of ashamed of myself. All my preaching about burning the $30 candle, and here I am with holiday linens that make me smile packed away for reasons unknown.

Next year, these Christmas towels will be on display in my new house. Until then, I’ll be using the autumn/Thanksgiving ones all year. Because we should burn the $30 candle.